Sunday, November 22, 2009

On second thought...

This past week, I came to a realization. I don't LIKE my graduate program. Let me tell you, this is a very unsettling thing to realize. I thought about doing this higher education admin program before I even left undergrad, but the thought of my student loans from my out of state tuition gave me good reason to find a job that paid more than $9 an hour. So a few months after graduation, I was hired for my current job. I found out that I could take one class a semester and have it paid for by my current employer? Great, right?

Being a goal-minded person, I looked into the higher education admin program because, well, that's pretty much what I was doing and why the heck not get a master's degree? I applied this past February, was admitted and took my first elective over the summer. It was a tad overwhelming, simply due to the fast paced nature of the summer class and because I was super busy with other things in my life. But I survived, and they didn't kick me out, so I continued this fall.

I realized last week that my loans would not be deferred because I was a student again - shoot! It dawned on me that I was only tolerating the work because it made my budget easier to handle (that happens when you don't have to pay your student loans) and that is probably the WORST reason to be in school. A coworker said she had so much more fun in grad school than as an undergrad. I stared at her in disbelief. Granted, I'm working full-time and doing school part-time, but I don't think grad school is something you do because you "should" but because you "want" to. I also realized, I don't think advising/working at a university is something I'll do forever. I like it now, but I sometimes think I would like to go back to my j-school degree and do the marketing thing. But who knows what will happen. That's the exciting part, right?! I do know, another coworker went through the same grad program and she said it only goes down hill from the class I'm in now. And she completed it full-time, which took 2 years. We both are that rare post-undergrad that ENJOYS working opposed to missing the life of a college student and constant classwork. So, I'm taking her thoughts on the program very seriously. She still feels that, 6 months later, she's recovering from being in the program.

What I really would like to change about my life is the amount of income I have. I don't want to change my job - I genuinely enjoy it and the people I work with. I would like to explore new things and take risks. And if I have 10 hours a week to work on a class I don't like, what if I spent that time doing what I enjoy and in which I find value? Life, I think, would be that much greater. There have been people in my life recently who, in the way they act and think about the way they live there life, have influenced the importance I put on how I spend my life. It's a great lesson to learn and to apply in life.

As logical as this grad program is, I just don't think my heart is in it. And I've learned enough in a few years that our time should only be spent with people and doing things that we love. Why would I deny myself that?

Thought for the week:
"God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you
NEED: To help you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be." - unknown

1 comment:

  1. Of course right, our time should only be spent with people and doing things that we love.

    Garden Lizard