Monday, April 26, 2010

me

scorpio, from mythology: The battle ended in Orion's death and Zeus put the scorpion in the heavens as a constellation to remind us to be humble.

Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. (Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.)


My strengths (from Gallup):
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

People strong in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.

People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.

People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations.

People strong in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it. 

I keep meaning to do a more thorough entry on each one of my strengths and what they mean to me. Not only individually but as a whole as well. We completed the StrengthsQuest through my office at work and I was surprised how much it made sense. It made me value (hey BELIEF) certain things and ways I act different, which I appreciated (hey INDIVIDUALIZATION).

It's impossible to get a true snapshot of who someone is through any test but I appreciate my Strengths giving an overview of why I act the way I do.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The chains of destiny

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." -Winston Churchill

I may have mentioned before that I don't currently have a plan as to what I want to do in the future. I'm living in the now. Not planning my days or goals because of what I want in two years. Or four years. I'm working, I'm laughing and enjoying my life. But recently I've been consumed about what I want to happen in the future. Things that I can't control. Things that are, without question, a part of my destiny. Now, I do have control of my destiny. But some things you don't have the ability to control or change yet. 


But I'm impatient. And I feel like I should have some control. I should be able to know. It's my life, right?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Monday Musings

I don't even know what happened at KC's Country Club Plaza Saturday night.There seem to be details I'm missing. Or, I've heard the whole story and it's just that inexplicable. Interesting though, that it was teenagers using Twitter and Facebook to organize. But WHY is the big questions. Just weird.

Since both Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep showed up in my dream last night, I'm going to be in their next movie, right? RIGHT?! Or, maybe a sign I should rent "It's Complicated".


My back and shoulders are aching because of the first day of softball yesterday. A double header is not a good way to start the season. But it was fun and the weather was gorgeous! Now if I could only stop embarrassing myself by slipping on first base, I'd be good. But speaking of softball, a letter, to the girl playing with mono:

Dear girl with mono playing softball,
If you really have mono (still skeptical) kudos for you for getting out there. But PLEASE don't complain about our pitcher tagging you out with his glove on your hip where it could have ruptured your spleen. Because 1) he didn't tag you that hard and 2) you're PLAYING SOFTBALL in 75 degree weather and running and swinging. I think your spleen has other issues than a tag out.
If you really don't have mono, please stop pretending you do. Other than that, I have no comment because it's just sad to lie about being sick.

You're lucky I didn't step on you when you were laying on the base I was trying to get to,
Bailey


EDIT: Don't wear heals when you're sore from softball. It's just silly.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Change

It's easy to struggle with change. Human beings prefer patterns and predictability. I'm working on a post that involves change and perspective and people and personal strengths. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get it done today but I was outside enjoying the weather.

But these are the two quotes that have got me thinking about the in-progress post. Garden State is my all time favorite movie (much do to the quote listed before) and the Miranda Lambert lyrics just really made an impact.


I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healin'
Out here it's like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothin' but a memory from the house that built me
"The House That Built Me" - Miranda Lambert
 
You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and 
it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel 
homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite 
of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you 
create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the
 family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I 
miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A 
group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
-Andrew in "Garden State" 
 
 
 

Thursday, April 08, 2010

confidence vs. self-esteem

Walking with a friend recently, we were discussing the latest in our lives: family illnesses, friends and our current dating situations.

She's recently made it "official" with the guy she's dating. I can tell he is making her happy but what I love about her is that as happy as she is right now with him, she doesn't know -or is worrying- about what will happen in their future (which is how dating should be- getting to know someone in the now).

What gets me is her not quite believing she deserves him: "of course you do" I responded. She went on to explain that the feeling comes from her low self-esteem. As she explained further, I thought about myself in regards to working hard, being the good person I think I am and what I deserve. Generally, I think I do deserve the things I work hard for and the relationships (of any kind) that I build. But my problem, I told to my walking buddy, is my confidence. And there, I realized, confidence and self-esteem, while two very similar things, are still very distinct in how they alter our behavior.

My cofidence deficiency means I often question my ability in almost everything: work, dating, general social interactions... It has become better since getting through college and adjusting to my job but it's always still there...just a little bit. It's particularly noticable when I have a falling out with people because "what did I do"? After the initial hurt, frustration and debate with myself, my self-esteem kicks in: these friends weren't actually that important in my life -or- we've parted ways  so I can bring people who will have a greater impact on who I am and what I do. Because why spend time on people who don't give a crap about you?

So there we were, my friend with her too-low self-esteem doubting whether she deserved certain things in her life, and me doubting what I could actually accomplish. Thank goodness we have each other to set the other one straight.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Things to Share

Real intimacy, in short, brings up our unfinished business-- all the rough spots in ourselves and in our partner that still need to be polished, refined, and further developed.
-Thanks to Your Ill-fitting Overcoat


Hell for a Geek.


I solemnly swear I'm up to no good.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Can I start this over?

Downside of today:
I couldn't get into my car because the keypad stopped working (and no, the key doesn't work either, don't ask).
I have lost my ability to get faculty members to do what I want when it comes to advising students. I'd like that back please.

Upside of today:
I started a new bank account (fresh start, people, fresh start!)
I got my teeth clean (and while they are sensitive) they feel really good!
I have great friends who are willing to rush to my side at a moment's notice to help. FIVE of them were willing to help me out this morning! In the rain! On a Monday morning! <3
It is Margarita Monday and I'm going to have like 5 (because I won't be able to drink for the next 28 days- also a downside, I guess).