Monday, May 24, 2010

One last tear

Had The Conversation. 
Said what I wanted to say. Let him know how it hurt.

One last tear. A walk in the warm summer air. 
Apparently what doesn't kill you does make you stronger.

It didn't last long but it was still huge and important. And it feels good to have survived it.

And I will not cry anymore because it's over but smile because it happened and because I didn't hold anything back. I love that about me.

Monday, May 10, 2010

I will now interupt your lovely spring time with my EMOTIONS

I spent the second half of my commute (the whole 10 minutes of it) home today dissolving into a mess of tears.

Because sometimes life makes your heart swell
And then life cracks it a little bit
And then life tries to fix it, but the nail it's using to try and fix it makes it hurt a little bit more
And then you just feel heartbroken. About everything.

I don't think I was ready for change this year. Friends leaving physically, friends giving up emotionally, and an emotional roller coaster ride of "I don't know what to do about the thing that I can't do anything about".

I have a CLOSE friend who has been living in Japan since the middle of 2008 and I wasn't as emotional about her moving then as I am about things now. Maybe because I had just graduated from college and I was EXPECTING change. I understood it. I was in the middle of change of my own.

But now, movie trailers about a silly horse (ok, the IMPOSSIBLE true story) and the rain can make me cry without much resistance.

Today might also be the result of my freshman college roommate's wedding over the weekend. I didn't cry much - okay, I got a little teary-eyed - but just being around her family and the outpouring of LOVE that happens when, for 48 hours, you celebrate two people's LOVE for each other makes you (I mean me) a little more tender-hearted then usual. And TRUST me, I am pretty sure I was tender-hearted enough.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Cougars and beer pong and trying to be a professional

A friend from one of my very first classes in college posted this on his facebook this morning:

People in the office were discussing what "Cougar" means. They were all giving their definitions and decided to come to my office and ask me. After hearing my definition the boss said, "Alright, that's enough!"

It made me laugh because, as much as you think you've moved on past college, sometimes you are reminded that you are still closer to the college experience than anyone else in your office. 

Sometimes, just working on a college campus makes it tricky to be considered a "professional".

Student groups chalk all over the sidewalk about upcoming events, elections and keggers. Yes, they chalk about parties. One such chalking promoted a "beer pong tournament". An advisor down the hall wondered aloud what it was. Our office does skew young but for some reason, I was the only one willing to explain the setup, rules and purpose of beer pong: two sets of beer on a ping pong table, you bounce ping pong balls to the other side's cups, you make the pong in, the other team drinks, everyone gets drunk. 

A few weeks ago, I went to work a recruiting event on campus for high school juniors. HIGH. SCHOOL. JUNIORS. Granted, I was pretty casual this Friday and it had been rainy so I probably wasn't looking my best after my cross-campus trek, but the orientation coordinator told me "check-in starts at 9:30". Well, yes, check-in for the HIGH SCHOOL JUNIORS starts at 9:30 but I had to check in as a representative of college I work for. She was apologetic but I just smiled and started to set up my table of flyers promoting the many degree options we offer. 

Recently, a few of us in our mid-twenties were talking about our job and how people don't respect our authority simply because we still "look like a student". It is nice though when "someone with more authority" tells them the exact same thing.

Anyone else still look like a student when they aren't anymore?

Wednesday, May 05, 2010