confidence vs. self-esteem

Walking with a friend recently, we were discussing the latest in our lives: family illnesses, friends and our current dating situations.

She's recently made it "official" with the guy she's dating. I can tell he is making her happy but what I love about her is that as happy as she is right now with him, she doesn't know -or is worrying- about what will happen in their future (which is how dating should be- getting to know someone in the now).

What gets me is her not quite believing she deserves him: "of course you do" I responded. She went on to explain that the feeling comes from her low self-esteem. As she explained further, I thought about myself in regards to working hard, being the good person I think I am and what I deserve. Generally, I think I do deserve the things I work hard for and the relationships (of any kind) that I build. But my problem, I told to my walking buddy, is my confidence. And there, I realized, confidence and self-esteem, while two very similar things, are still very distinct in how they alter our behavior.

My cofidence deficiency means I often question my ability in almost everything: work, dating, general social interactions... It has become better since getting through college and adjusting to my job but it's always still there...just a little bit. It's particularly noticable when I have a falling out with people because "what did I do"? After the initial hurt, frustration and debate with myself, my self-esteem kicks in: these friends weren't actually that important in my life -or- we've parted ways  so I can bring people who will have a greater impact on who I am and what I do. Because why spend time on people who don't give a crap about you?

So there we were, my friend with her too-low self-esteem doubting whether she deserved certain things in her life, and me doubting what I could actually accomplish. Thank goodness we have each other to set the other one straight.