words to save/or

~Live Simply * Love Generously * Care Deeply * Speak Kindly~

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

On second thought...

This past week, I came to a realization. I don't LIKE my graduate program. Let me tell you, this is a very unsettling thing to realize. I thought about doing this higher education admin program before I even left undergrad, but the thought of my student loans from my out of state tuition gave me good reason to find a job that paid more than $9 an hour. So a few months after graduation, I was hired for my current job. I found out that I could take one class a semester and have it paid for by my current employer? Great, right?

Being a goal-minded person, I looked into the higher education admin program because, well, that's pretty much what I was doing and why the heck not get a master's degree? I applied this past February, was admitted and took my first elective over the summer. It was a tad overwhelming, simply due to the fast paced nature of the summer class and because I was super busy with other things in my life. But I survived, and they didn't kick me out, so I continued this fall.

I realized last week that my loans would not be deferred because I was a student again - shoot! It dawned on me that I was only tolerating the work because it made my budget easier to handle (that happens when you don't have to pay your student loans) and that is probably the WORST reason to be in school. A coworker said she had so much more fun in grad school than as an undergrad. I stared at her in disbelief. Granted, I'm working full-time and doing school part-time, but I don't think grad school is something you do because you "should" but because you "want" to. I also realized, I don't think advising/working at a university is something I'll do forever. I like it now, but I sometimes think I would like to go back to my j-school degree and do the marketing thing. But who knows what will happen. That's the exciting part, right?! I do know, another coworker went through the same grad program and she said it only goes down hill from the class I'm in now. And she completed it full-time, which took 2 years. We both are that rare post-undergrad that ENJOYS working opposed to missing the life of a college student and constant classwork. So, I'm taking her thoughts on the program very seriously. She still feels that, 6 months later, she's recovering from being in the program.

What I really would like to change about my life is the amount of income I have. I don't want to change my job - I genuinely enjoy it and the people I work with. I would like to explore new things and take risks. And if I have 10 hours a week to work on a class I don't like, what if I spent that time doing what I enjoy and in which I find value? Life, I think, would be that much greater. There have been people in my life recently who, in the way they act and think about the way they live there life, have influenced the importance I put on how I spend my life. It's a great lesson to learn and to apply in life.

As logical as this grad program is, I just don't think my heart is in it. And I've learned enough in a few years that our time should only be spent with people and doing things that we love. Why would I deny myself that?

Thought for the week:
"God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you
NEED: To help you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be." - unknown

An Award!

Life is a little out of control. But I'm living it and loving it. But I would like to do a better job at sharing and expressing what's going on in my life. That being said, I received my first blogging award over TWO months ago and I have yet to pass it on. A true blog fail, indeed. So, I'm rededicating myself to sharing my life with all the people who read this. All 6 of you!


Rebecca, from Living a Life of Writing, had bestowed upon me the Superior Scribbler Award. That in itself is exciting but let me tell you, I am in some impressive company! I'm a fan of this description of the award: What is a Superior Scribbler? One who employs mad skillz to communicate in this crazy, crazy world. Who pontificates, explains, memorializes & entertains. Who has a funny bone & is not afraid to use it. Whose cyber-crib we return to again & again, because it just feels right.
The Super Scribbler

1. Each Superior Scribbler, must in turn, pass the Award on to 5 most-deserving bloggy buds.

2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and name of the blog from whom he/she has received the Award.

3. Each Superior Scribbler must display the Award on his/her blog and link to this post which explains the Award.

4. Each blogger who wins the Award must visit this post and add his or her name to the Mr. Linky List at the Scholastic-Scribe's blog. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who wins this prestigious Award!

5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Here are my Superior Scribblers:

1. Carolina Girl... because, even though we've never met, I'm pretty sure it would be great fun to have drinks with her!

2. Lauren Nicole Love... because Lauren created the fabulous image that I used in my blog header (thanks AGAIN by the way!) And she posts lots of pretty pictures and words and things. :)

3. Yellaphant... just because Bridget has no filter and it's fantastic.

4. Around the Way Girl (or Girl From Around the Way...? blogging issues, yuck!) Anna covers books and fashion and pretty pictures. It's great fun!

5. Places With Character Duta chronicles the interesting places she's been and her life in Israel. I love learning about different places.

yeah, we're gonna let it slide

my absolute favorite songs. (i will probably continue to add to this list... and make a killer playlist)

slide - goo goo dolls (all time favorite EVER)*
wedding day - rosie thomas
hey there delilah - plain white t's
she ain't right - lee brice
wasted - carrie underwood
best of you - foo fighters*
the luckiest - ben folds
want to - sugarland*
arms of a woman - amos lee
hey jude -beatles*
i need you - tim mcgraw and faith hill
vindicated - dashboard confessional
criminal -fiona apple
unchained melody - elvis
i can't stop lovin' you - keith urban
colorblind - counting crows
wind beneath my wings - bette midler
tiny dancer - elton john (or tony danza.... ha)
cowboy take me away - dixie chicks
wonderwall - oasis*
turn me on - norah jones*
time of my life - green day*
tonight, tonight - smashing pumpkins
landslide - fleetwood mac*
i've got friends in low places - garth brooks
undone (the sweater song) - weezer
georgia on my mind - ray charles
don't stop believin' - journey*
should've been a cowboy - alan jackson*
you give me something - james morrison
dear joan - rob thomas
both sides now - joni mitchell

edited later to add:
mrs. robinson - simon & garfunkel

edited to * top 10 favorites

life

It's hard, this thing called life. It doesn't make sense most of the time. There are fantastic feelings, amazing experiences and incredible people. But it still doesn't make sense. Be warm and happy and enjoying dinner and wine with friends one evening. And in the back of your mind thinking about this new, exciting possibility with someone you're getting to know. And life is good at this moment. Because it's unknown and full of potential. And the next morning. Well, the next morning you read something. And you have no idea what it's about but your project. You project your worst thoughts and fears on this and imagine the worst possibility. Except, even that worst possibility shouldn't have an affect on you. But that small bubble of regret or loathing bubbles up within you and pushes out all the warm and happy feelings you had from the night before. And it seems worse because you don't want this to matter anymore. You don't want to care. But that's why life doesn't make any sense. Because there's always a disconnect between what you think about a situation and what you feel. And it doesn't make any sense. You just have to hope you slowly learn to focus on the warm and positive moments.

sick day

After waking up briefly to call in sick, I stayed in bed until noon.

I watched Milk today for the first time. What an incredible story and movie. Sean Penn's Oscar was certainly well-deserved.

I watched Ms. Pettigrew Lives for A Day. A zany movie, for sure. But also endearing.

Now I'm watching the end of Nights in Rodanthe. Let's just say, I would appreciate a sexy pen pal who says asks things like "Who keeps you safe"? Damn you movies, damn you.

I made some instant potato soup, not really something I would recommend. Though, I may have read the instructions wrong...

I'll probably be in bed by 8. I hate being sick, by sick days are rather amazing.