The Good Girl

Found a post about the book "The Curse of the Good Girl" on The Scholastic Scribe's blog.
An excerpt from the book:
"Taught to value niceness over honesty, perfection over growth, and modesty over authentic self expression," Simmons says, "girls are locked into a battle with a version of themselves they can never attain. Their internal resources are drained by the energy and ruthless self-evaluation required to live up to this impossible set of personal standards."

I hate being wrong. I hate doing the wrong thing and sometimes I hate the way I act. Simply, because, I am The Good Girl.

Sometimes, I've wondered if I've been selfish in the way I've acted over the past few years. But I've really just been pushing myself to attain an "impossible set of personal standards". And I have to wonder if personal relationships have lacked because of this. Completely opening myself up to someone means they know my flaws and my inadequacies. A handful of people do know my weaknesses but I know they love me anyway. We've talked about them. Talked about my other relationships and how I behave because of what I've experienced in my life. This is actually quite comforting. I guess expressing yourself honestly usually is. But making the conscious effort to reveal yourself that way? Just another opportunity for failure. An opportunity for people to see you as you ARE, not how you WANT to be. Mistakes are okay, they are a part of life. I know this. I just cannot quite make myself comfortable with making them.

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes." Oscar Wilde



And lyrics that, for today, say exactly what I feel.

"Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself"

Foolish Games by Jewel

2007

As the calendar year changes, people tend to look back and reflect on the previous year. Yeah, 2006 was great. And it sucked. And the war got worse. We spent too much time on facebook. Sexy was back. We're still waiting on the world to change.
And as fun as it is to read top lists from last year and say "oh, I remember that!" I am much more excited about what is going to happen in this year. 2007. double-o seven. It's a big year for me! A total of EIGHT people I know are getting married. (1 cousin, 3 from work, 1 former coworker, 2 friends from high school and there's another person that I can't remember. That's what happens when everyone decides to get married.)
I'll also be finishing college. That one word, "college", encompasses so many things. Yes, it means completing 25 more credit hours (starting next Friday!!!) and receive a degree. But I've done so many other things that have really highlighted my experience. And still so much to do!
I get to finish up an amazing year with sua...(my fourth and final actually). I get to delve into a new leadership position with the homecoming steering committee. I will hopefully scrape up a few thousand dollars to study abroad. I'd like to intern at the statehouse in Topeka and make a path to a political campaigning job in '08...it looks like they'll be plenty of candidates to work for.
That's one year to do all that. I don't know if they'll be enough time. Wish me luck!