happy news and family emotions

My baby sister is getting married!
I am truly excited and am so glad she found such a wonderful fiance. (Honestly, I don't know how he puts up with her! Joking. Mostly.).
She's definitely going to be the sister (between the two of us) who is going to want the big wedding. I'm excited to be able to put my wedding planning skills to use. Well, I hope I do. I've always been the bossy older sister but if there is one thing I've learned about weddings, it's that the wedding should be about the people getting married and what they want. Not what everyone else wants. So hopefully, if nothing else, I impart that wisdom on her. Our mom, I'm sure, will get overly involved. I might event get a little pushy. I hope she doesn't let us.
Might you be thinking my next point would be to belabor the point that my younger sister is getting married before me? Nope. Don't need to. She's been with her boyfriend fiance! for four years and while I thought I would have been married by now, I honestly don't feel that pressure. I did that four (and a half) year degree thing which kind of takes a toll on earning money and actually being an adult. I've had a few years and have gotten over, gotten used to, accepted the amount of bills I owe. And other than financially struggling with bills, I'm happy. Lawrence is wonderful, I know a new job will come my way at some point and I've got a move to an awesome house with an amazing boyfriend.
Life is good. And I know my sister had been ready to start planning a wedding (and have babies) so I'm glad her and her fiance are now on the same page.

Other weekend highlights. I didn't go to Des Moines this weekend despite my mom's birthday on Saturday and Father's Day on Sunday. My mom was having a hard time over the weekend. She's crazy excited about Alli and Nick getting engaged but she had her first Father's Day since my grandpa died. Why do I know this? My dad told me. My dad and mom are divorced. They still get along - mostly- as long as my dad doesn't act like a jackass towards me ore my sister (it's been known to happen). My dad told me all this last evening when I called him to wish him a Happy Father's Day. He's gotten a bit emotional over the past year. Turning 50 maybe had something to do with it. I think his youngest daughter's engagement and his eldest daughter moving in with a boyfriend probably doesn't help. I also haven't been back to Des Moines since February and my has taken to telling lies: she hasn't seen me since December when we were back from Christmas? Not true Mom, not true.

Anyway, I feel bad not being back recently but since they're planning on visiting me at the end of July (to help with the move) I think we can all just relax until then. I hope so, at least!

Happy summer to all!

summer music

There's certain music that just IS summer for me. Dave Matthews, Kings of Leon, Kenny Chesney. 


And when the summer comes
The river swims at midnight
Shiver cold
Touch the bottom, you and I,
with muddy toes





You can hear the cries from the carnival rides,
The pinball bills, skee ball slides,
Watching the summer sun fall out of sight,
There's a warm wind coming in from off of the ocean
Making its way past the hotel wall to fill the streets







What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine.
With a fire in my bones, and the sweet taste of kerosene,
I get lost in the light, so high I don't wanna come down,
To face the loss of the good thing that I had found.

a year ago

Amazing what can change in a year.

A little over a year ago, I cried late at night, by the fireplace at my old house, over a stupid boy. A stupid boy whose goal in life was to be a high school football coach in a small town (sorry Meg, I know you're friends). The next day, in an effort to be around people and not be so mopey, I went to lunch with someone who over the previous few months had become a good friend. And I complained about what happened with the stupid boy.

It took us a few more months, but that friend and I finally figured out we both wanted to be more than just friends. And the past six months have been amazing :)

And I wouldn't change a thing.

50 Years of Love

On October 1, my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Seventeen days later, on October 18, my grandpa died from heart failure.

None of us expected him to go. He was in the hospital. He had been in the hospital off and on with heart problems for years.

During the visitation, I arrived at the funeral home and sat with my grandma after she watched the slideshow and looked at the board full of beautiful pictures that, for the most part, reflected the life they shared together for just over 50 years. My grandma had just recently left a rehabilitation facility because she had fallen and broken some ribs. As she shifted in her seat, she winced. I asked her "do you need anything, do you hurt?"

Her response: "the only thing that hurts is my broken heart."

I squeezed her hand in mine. What could I say to that? My heart ached more at that moment than it had over the past 11 days.

During the service, I learned my grandma only agreed to go out with my grandpa when she learned he was not already married. Perhaps a sign of the times? It was 1960 after all and she already had 3 daughters from a previous marriage. (They are really my half-aunts, really, who I didn't realize were my half-aunts until I was 15. After the initial shock of this family news, nothing really changed. They are a part of our family and called my grandpa "dad" even thought he was not their biologically father.) My sister and I looked at each other in surprise when we learned our grandparents met and were married just 5 weeks later. My grandparents argued, what seemed like, all the time. He teased her and pushed just the right buttons to make her scowl and exclaim "Jack!"

But they had love. For more than 50 years.

One last tear

Had The Conversation. 
Said what I wanted to say. Let him know how it hurt.

One last tear. A walk in the warm summer air. 
Apparently what doesn't kill you does make you stronger.

It didn't last long but it was still huge and important. And it feels good to have survived it.

And I will not cry anymore because it's over but smile because it happened and because I didn't hold anything back. I love that about me.

I will now interupt your lovely spring time with my EMOTIONS

I spent the second half of my commute (the whole 10 minutes of it) home today dissolving into a mess of tears.

Because sometimes life makes your heart swell
And then life cracks it a little bit
And then life tries to fix it, but the nail it's using to try and fix it makes it hurt a little bit more
And then you just feel heartbroken. About everything.

I don't think I was ready for change this year. Friends leaving physically, friends giving up emotionally, and an emotional roller coaster ride of "I don't know what to do about the thing that I can't do anything about".

I have a CLOSE friend who has been living in Japan since the middle of 2008 and I wasn't as emotional about her moving then as I am about things now. Maybe because I had just graduated from college and I was EXPECTING change. I understood it. I was in the middle of change of my own.

But now, movie trailers about a silly horse (ok, the IMPOSSIBLE true story) and the rain can make me cry without much resistance.

Today might also be the result of my freshman college roommate's wedding over the weekend. I didn't cry much - okay, I got a little teary-eyed - but just being around her family and the outpouring of LOVE that happens when, for 48 hours, you celebrate two people's LOVE for each other makes you (I mean me) a little more tender-hearted then usual. And TRUST me, I am pretty sure I was tender-hearted enough.

"the risk that I'm takin' "

This song came out last year but I heard it this morning for the first time in awhile and I remembered how amazing it was. It's simply, a breathtaking, beautiful song. And the video is refreshingly sweet. And, of course, Beyonce is gorgeous.

In a perfect world

Briana: When we have our own event planning company, our hours won't start until 10 AM (because of all of the late night events we'll have of course) but we'll aim to be at the gym together by 8 AM to exercise and get coffee. (at least in my head :) )
And every night a certain someone will sing me this song:


In a perfect world. I think I'll work on it.

But right now, I took the day off from work so I could work on my paper due for class on Thursday. So, I should probably actually do some writing.

words to save/or

~Live Simply * Love Generously * Care Deeply * Speak Kindly~

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

yeah, we're gonna let it slide

my absolute favorite songs. (i will probably continue to add to this list... and make a killer playlist)

slide - goo goo dolls (all time favorite EVER)*
wedding day - rosie thomas
hey there delilah - plain white t's
she ain't right - lee brice
wasted - carrie underwood
best of you - foo fighters*
the luckiest - ben folds
want to - sugarland*
arms of a woman - amos lee
hey jude -beatles*
i need you - tim mcgraw and faith hill
vindicated - dashboard confessional
criminal -fiona apple
unchained melody - elvis
i can't stop lovin' you - keith urban
colorblind - counting crows
wind beneath my wings - bette midler
tiny dancer - elton john (or tony danza.... ha)
cowboy take me away - dixie chicks
wonderwall - oasis*
turn me on - norah jones*
time of my life - green day*
tonight, tonight - smashing pumpkins
landslide - fleetwood mac*
i've got friends in low places - garth brooks
undone (the sweater song) - weezer
georgia on my mind - ray charles
don't stop believin' - journey*
should've been a cowboy - alan jackson*
you give me something - james morrison
dear joan - rob thomas
both sides now - joni mitchell

edited later to add:
mrs. robinson - simon & garfunkel

edited to * top 10 favorites

you must fall in love 3 times

“Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve. And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.”

— Unknown

(via mcompton)

Life in my house

Live in my house, I’ll be your shelter. Just pay pay me back with one thousand kisses. Be my lover and I’ll cover you. Open your door; I’ll be your tenant. Don’t got much baggage to lay at your feet, but sweet kisses I’ve got to spare. I’ll be there and I’ll cover you. Just slip me on; I’ll be your blanket. Wherever, whatever, I’ll be your coat. You’ll be my King, and I’ll be your castle. All my life I’ve longed to discover something as true as this is. So with a thousand sweet kisses, I’ll cover you. If you’re cold and you’re lonely, I’ll cover you. When you’re worn out and tired, I’ll cover you. When your heart has expired, oh lover, I’ll cover you.

— Rent


from lelove

In time, the younger generations will be in charge

My 9 year old explaining to a table full of adults why gays should be able to marry: "Love. That's why."

-A most insightful and hopeful comment found via twitter. I retweeted, obviously.