#30!!!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is post number thirty for the month of November. As you can see by the fancy, flashy, shiny new badge on the left side of my post.

Right here
<----
No, down a bit more.

Isn't it fun?! And kind of snarky/sarcastic?! Love it.

I also love that I made it to the end of the month with 30 posts! I didn't quite get one posted every day but I doubled up several days to make up for it. 30 posts, 30 days. Never done before by this blog.

I hope you've enjoyed them! Some were silly and done with very little effort and some of them meant a lot. This one, too. And this one, definitely.

I don't think I could have done it without blogging pressure (only the good kind, of course) from Debbi, Amerika, Jenn and Eric. It really is true it's easier to do things with others. There were quite a few other people doing NaBloPoMo and I hope there are even more if we do it in February!

Edited to add: my friend Megan in Japan was just 5 posts away! So close!
And another Megan (in Lawrence) was part of the fun, too.

But can you believe it? December is tomorrow. TOMORROW!

What I'm excited about in December:

• my goal of commenting more on other blogs
• working on my own website (this is a maybe or a Jan/Feb sort of thing- my computer access is limited in a few weeks)
• spending Christmas with this goofy guy
• the first snow fall (I LIKE snow. Don't hate.)
• holiday baking fest 2010
• hopefully, a possible job interview (my grandma and I keep dreaming about it - that's gotta mean something, right?!)

Amazing Grace

Tonight the girl scout troop I volunteer with had a music event on the KU campus. They went and learned about music, made musical instruments, learned about composition, learned about different types of instruments. They also made music. It was so sweet to hear this group of girls sing "Amazing Grace".

The one time I remember singing "Amazing Grace" was ten years ago. I had gone with my girl scout troop (yes, I was 15) to Philmont - the boy scout camp in New Mexico. The last morning of our 10-day hiking and camping trip we woke at 3am and hiked about two hours to our last high spot. As we watched the sun rise, we sang "Amazing Grace". I'm not sure what it was about the moment. It may have just been so amazing we were compelled to sing the most beautiful song we could think of. It is definitely on my top 5 favorite moments in life list.

Monday, Monday

This semester (yes, I work at a university, thus time is measured by semesters...) I have been working in another department on Monday mornings. I have to drag the laptop to this office as well as my purse and bag of food for breakfast and lunch for the rest of the week. Oh, and my coffee.

This morning, it was quite the load on the crowded bus. 

This being my first day back to work, the productivity seems low. It usually kind of is on Monday. Unless I have a bunch of appointments. Forced productivity, I guess.

Mondays aren't anything special, really.



But they used to be...

Nine months ago, a friend hit up The Sandbar when she was waiting for her son to be done with an art class downtown. A couple of us joined her. She went again the next few weeks and a few more of us came. This was in February and I think we all just needed out of the house. Then the spring and summer months came and what better way to enjoy the warmer months then on the patio?

The group of us that always went got a little busy. And got a little low on cash so we haven't gone in some time. I expect us to need to get out of the house in February again so that might be our next Margarita Monday evening.

It sure did help make Mondays more special.

A word on National Blog Posting Month...

28 days into National Blog Posting Month (this is post #27) and a few thoughts about it.

It's been nice to have a group of people (via Twitter) helping with the encouragement. Nice to "report" to someone even if, I'm pretty sure, they aren't going to Fail me in life if I don't post something.
It's nice to have (just a bit of) pressure to constantly be thinking about ideas for blog posts - even if they're not the most compelling of stories.

But has this helped with getting comments (I love feedback): not really. I think what has helped is actually posting the blog links to twitter. I wasn't really doing that before (because sharing is scary sometimes!) And with more posting, it does seem like there have been more comments - but only in relation to the amount of blogs I post. I'm not getting dramatically increased comments per blog.

Have I devoted more time to reading other blogs? This past week, I've tried. I've really tried to keep on blog reading. But I didn't work! I had lots of free time. This month I did attempt to make more comments on blogs when I was reading posts. Because who doesn't love comment love? I know I do!

What do you get out of posting or sharing more blog entries? What has National Blog Posting Month done for you? What do you think we should do differently (this is aimed to the group who plans to participate again) in February?

Girl Scout cookies!

Hey Lawrence!

Wanted to let you know you can get girl scout cookies this week! No, you don't have to pre-order... you can get the ACTUAL cookies!

Location is at the 23rd Street Hy-Vee - we will be selling next to the Christmas trees!

There are two troops - one group of brownies, one group of juniors - so come out and support local girl scouts! Part of the proceeds of every box go to the individual troop and part go to the local council.

Make sure you are briefed on current (including some new!) girl scout cookies. Samoas are my favorite!

Sweet, cherry pie

I am making a cherry pie for my my (2nd) Thanksgiving dinner this weekend, which is this afternoon with my mom's side of the family.

It's my favorite. I think, before too long, I will make a cherry pie from scratch, even if that means pitting the cherries myself, because I don't think  buying pie crusts and cherry filling really counts as homemade even if I do put it in the oven myself.

I credit my cherry pie (my favorite of the pie varieties) love to the cherry tree that grew in my neighbors yard when I was growing up. It was definitely a tree in his yard but much of the tree hung over the fence between the properties and over the driveway next to my house growing up. Dan, my neighbor, let my sister and I pick cherries when they were ready and we would take heaping bowls home. My mom sometimes made fresh pie and sometimes we would pit them and eat them fresh. It is definitely one of those warm childhood memories I know will continue to be the reason for my choice in pie.

But now to look for that perfect cherry pie... this one looks like a winner.

escape

I won't get into too much detail -- who needs to hear about other people's family drama, really? -- about how Thanksgiving went on my Dad's side of the family. It was good! And then it wasn't. Isn't that always how it works? Everyone is manageable until someone reaches the tipping point with the number of alcoholic beverages and says something stupid. And that one comment is the igniter for the blow up.

*sigh*

I never know from which way it's coming either. My dad. My sister. My mom. My aunt. Odds are usually in one or two family members' favors but you never quite know. This time, it sucked, but really, it wasn't a surprise. And that's the sad thing.

It's like a scary movie: you expect it, you just don't know when it's coming. And it freaks you out. But you can't say you didn't know it was coming.

This has made me want to scurry back to Lawrence ASAP. At my first available opening. In this instance, it's tonight. After the 2nd Thanksgiving dinner of the weekend has been prepared, eaten and cleared away. After most of the family has left the clubhouse at my mom's condo. It will probably be dark but ces't la vie.

It also makes me consider my Christmas plans a bit differently. Instead of trying to please others, I'm going to do what I want. And spend it with who I want to be with most.

But for this weekend, I'll be escaping from all the family time. Escaping to Lawrence. Escaping to home.

Packing

A couple months ago I was at my Grandma's visiting. She was preparing to pack her suitcase for a cruise on the shores of New England and southeast Canada. She was fretting about what to bring, if she would have enough luggage space and if she would have enough outfits for all her days on the cruise ship. I finally asked her "why don't you just start putting all the things you want in the suitcase and see what happens?!" I then proceeded to pack her suitcase for her.

I was amused because my grandma has been going on bus trips, cruises, month-long stays in northern Minnesota  for years (last year she went to China!). She's been travelling for more years than I've been alive. I told her she had "more experience packing then I did". She responded that she did not and that my grandpa had done all her packing for her when he was alive (this is my grandpa who died in 2004).

As I continued packing she told me that one time she forgot to pack his underwear and he did all the packing after that one time; she was just supposed to lay out what she wanted and he would pack it for her. I'm not sure why, but I thought this was adorable. I called my sister and told her - she was very amused as well. We thought back to how, before my grandparents two month trips to Minnesota, there would be stuff ALL over their house. It was because my grandma prepared it all and my grandpa packed it all. I'm not sure why this has stuck with me.

So really, my grandma went almost 50 years without packing her own suitcase and has just been responsible for packing herself for a few years. I guess I am better at it than she is.

me

I am thankful to be the kind of person who can appreciate people despite their flaws, recognizes people as individuals and hates individuals who are not genuine (even if I can't always recognize it right away). I like that I don't necessarily always say what I think, but if I say it, it's probably true. I'm thankful I know there's more to life than being skinny (although I'd like to be).

I'm thankful for the people in my life who love me because of (or despite) these things. Because without the people in my life I depend on, none of the above would even matter.

I am thankful that, even though I love to shop, I am not one to do it at 5am on a holiday weekend. Happy Black Friday everyone! If you've got money (I don't), please spend it (I wish I could) - the improving economy can only help all of us!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Writing from my grandma's kitchen in Des Moines. I just helped her with the turkey and it is now in the oven. Drinking some coffee and looking through the ads (stack is twice as large as the actual paper). I don't think I can actually afford anything but hoping to get an idea of what to get my Dad for Christmas. He's always the hardest to shop for. I can never tell if he likes what I get him. He should be over soon to my grandma's soon and we'll start the other food for our planned 3:30 feast.

Did I mention the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade is on?

Turkey, parade, cold weather. I'm a fan of tradition. Especially when so many people across the country are doing the same thing.

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday weekend! Happy Thanksgiving!

home

"Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

-From Garden State, my favorite movie (Phil, did you really add this one to you Netflix queue? I was serious about this one...)

As I was traveling to Des Moines this afternoon, I was thinking about home. Ten years ago, I lived in a house with my mom, dad and sister. We lived in the house I had lived in since I was two years old. West Des Moines, Iowa was the only place I had known as home.

Now, I have lived for the majority of the past seven years in Lawrence, Kansas. First it was just my college town; my college town that I anxiously returned to from weekends at my home in Iowa. But my Iowa "home" had changed. My parents divorced right after I graduated high school. Too many memories existed in the house we lived in when we were a whole family. My parents sold it and move on to other places. These places I've visited on my returns to Des Moines on holidays and school breaks. But these places were not my home.

Now when I'm home I always try to stay with my grandma at least one night - this has been my family's home for something like 50 years. The paint is more colorful, the futon in the "pit" (office/spare bedroom/tv room) is brand new and probably much more comfortable then the four-inch mattress in the old hide-a-bed but it is still my the closest thing I have to my "home" when I'm in my home state.

Now, my home has become the college town where I have lived the past seven years. Semesters went by and I found the shortcuts through town, the weekends to avoid Target (move-in weekend!), my favorite coffee spot, favorite Monday night margarita stop, favorite bar on a Saturday night. Some friends have moved on, some of those friends I no longer speak to. But some friends became family.

Now I learn and love and grow in Lawrence. Once my college town. Now my home.

friends

Had a chat with my friend, Erin, the other night about friendships having a "purpose". Notably, once having moved on in a friendship, being able to recognize what that friend brought you or what you learned from them? It may seems selfish. to "get something" from a friend. But you do.

Sometimes these friends bring you to other people; important people in your life. Sometimes you learn something about yourself. You learn about others. You learn something about how you are compared to other people. You learn what you love about yourself and you learn what you don't like about yourself. Sometimes you don't figure this out until a friendship is over. And sometimes, because of past friendships, you figure out how to get over more recent-past friendships sooner. Because you realize, sometimes, there are friendships that aren't healthy. Friends you won't know forever. Friends sometimes are around for awhile before you realize their value. Realize, you WILL know them your whole life.



So, what do you get from your friends? Do you become your best around them? Because you should.

Wordless Weekend

My favorite picture I've taken this year. Best time of day :)

Kitty Snores on Saturdays

I've spent far too long in bed today. But, it's a Saturday and I have the next week off from work.

And I'm catching up on my Google reader. And listening to my cat, Emmy, snore. It's really quite adorable.

And planning my late afternoon of errands. Cat food (they're spoiled, I tell you, spoiled!) and exchanging birthday shoes for the right size and a stroll along Mass Street on a beautiful November day. There may even be some hand-holding (if I'm lucky).

November really is the best month.



*Second post today. Why? Because I've missed at least 4 days of NaBloPoMo. So, instead of 1 post actually posted every day, I hope to have a post to represent every day in November. 31. 30. (Who actually thinks there is 31 days in November?!?! *bewildered glance* Not this girl!)

Gift time!

I love giving gifts. I especially love finding a gift I know is perfect for someone.

This year, I hope the majority of my holiday gifts come from these places:

http://www.charitablegiftgiving.com/

or

http://coolpeoplecare.org/

or

http://www.lawrence.com/news/2010/nov/18/need-presents-try-some-lawrence-originals-and-give/
Most of my family is in Iowa so I think bringing some local Lawrence wine (Holy Field) or treats is unique, too. Something they don't get everyday.

or anything on etsy.com. Anything there is going to be unique and I like the idea of supporting someone making their own creations and doing their own thing.

Another addition: I just discovered LOLA. Their Facebook event: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=136574016393582

50 Years of Love

On October 1, my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Seventeen days later, on October 18, my grandpa died from heart failure.

None of us expected him to go. He was in the hospital. He had been in the hospital off and on with heart problems for years.

During the visitation, I arrived at the funeral home and sat with my grandma after she watched the slideshow and looked at the board full of beautiful pictures that, for the most part, reflected the life they shared together for just over 50 years. My grandma had just recently left a rehabilitation facility because she had fallen and broken some ribs. As she shifted in her seat, she winced. I asked her "do you need anything, do you hurt?"

Her response: "the only thing that hurts is my broken heart."

I squeezed her hand in mine. What could I say to that? My heart ached more at that moment than it had over the past 11 days.

During the service, I learned my grandma only agreed to go out with my grandpa when she learned he was not already married. Perhaps a sign of the times? It was 1960 after all and she already had 3 daughters from a previous marriage. (They are really my half-aunts, really, who I didn't realize were my half-aunts until I was 15. After the initial shock of this family news, nothing really changed. They are a part of our family and called my grandpa "dad" even thought he was not their biologically father.) My sister and I looked at each other in surprise when we learned our grandparents met and were married just 5 weeks later. My grandparents argued, what seemed like, all the time. He teased her and pushed just the right buttons to make her scowl and exclaim "Jack!"

But they had love. For more than 50 years.

Do I have to?

I'm writing this because I committed to writing every day for the month of November and I've already missed 2 days and need to make them up.

But do I feel like writing? No way. I want to go to bed and pretend all the bad, paranoid, crazy thoughts from today would just disappear. Nothing bad happened. I think I just got exhausted. It hit me at once. And my brain was weak, allowing all the bad and negative thoughts to take control. All the stress eats away at all the happy things from the day and buries the memories of any fun and laughter.

So I need to sleep and dream all the negative away.

What do you do when you're down?

Movie Monday: "mom, can I get a dragon?"

I saw it in theaters and just watched it with my roommate on dvd: "How to Train Your Dragon".

Great movie. Everyone (even without having to use kids as an excuse) should see it. I laughed. I cried. I wanted to call and ask my mom if she would get me a dragon for Christmas.

A Night Fury, of course.

Where do you spend your Sunday mornings?

If you're like me, Sunday mornings are for lying in bed and reading or tweeting or cooking breakfast.
On occasion, Sunday mornings are for errands and productivity. This morning was one of my productive mornings. As I drove down Lawrence Avenue to get to my recycling center and PetCo, I passed a church. The parking lot was full of cars. These cars, I assume, had carried families or couples or friends to their place of worship.

Growing up, I never attended church regularly. Both my parents were raised in homes that attended church. I don't know why -- maybe someday I'll ask -- but they never took my sister and I to church. I have gone on occasion with my grandparents and friends but I just don't think I need church. I'm sure some of you (no matter what religion) may thing that is strange. But if you grew up with it, wouldn't whatever religion you practice actually be a part of who you are and your beliefs? Just as if you were (or were not) taught to value recycling or to treat people different from you with respect, you learned (even if you had to be dragged to church or where ever) to value religion and that experience and tradition.

I don't think having a religion is bad, but I just don't think it is a necessary part of my set of values. I've learned to forgive people, I respect people (until they do something to lose it) and, most importantly, I believe I am a good person. Not perfect, but good. I try to do the right thing and treat people well. It's a work in progress but I don't think going to church every Sunday will make that suddenly easy.

Sometimes growing up, I felt left out because my family did not attend church. But I don't think it's because I was missing out on practicing a religion but because I was not doing something so many other people were doing. But realizing that difference, I knew that was not the reason to start going to church. The one person who made me wish I was religious is my grandpa. He knew we didn't go to church and he didn't love me less, but I just wonder what it would have been like to share more of that with him. And to know, what exactly he got from the Bible. We shared many of the same characteristics: sense of humor, caring, loyal. It also seemed like we shared the same common sense and practical nature. And that common sense and practicality is where I just don't think I can jump into a religion without having known it growing up and instilled in me. My grandpa, I think, did grow up with religion and that probably made a big difference. But maybe having such practicality, some people need that something else; that need to explain all the unexplainable. To explain or help understand what they can't control. I would think I need that, too. But maybe my rational side knows that not everything can be explained and there are sometimes just not any answers.

What do you do on Sunday mornings?

A word about renting...

Moving sucks.
Moving every year (or more) for 7 years sucks.

Dishonest landlords and shady "stories" suck even more.

This eloquent, thoughtful and vocabulary-rich NaBloPoMo blog entry brought to you by Bailey.