Dancing Greek Restaurants and Souls; or "Things I've Learned This Week"

Dinner at a Greek restaurant where the servers dance and they flame your cheese appetizer table-side is fun. 

Having a few hours of girl talk over dinner and frozen yogurt at a colored fruit named place is necessary in life at least twice a month. 

Knowing they'll be friends you don't see every week - or even every month- that you'll be friends with for the rest of your life is good for the soul. 

Sidenote: I did an image search for "soul" to accompany this picture. The only thing that it came up with was images representing soul music. As it should be. Silly me for thinking we can have a physical representation of our actual souls.

a year ago

Amazing what can change in a year.

A little over a year ago, I cried late at night, by the fireplace at my old house, over a stupid boy. A stupid boy whose goal in life was to be a high school football coach in a small town (sorry Meg, I know you're friends). The next day, in an effort to be around people and not be so mopey, I went to lunch with someone who over the previous few months had become a good friend. And I complained about what happened with the stupid boy.

It took us a few more months, but that friend and I finally figured out we both wanted to be more than just friends. And the past six months have been amazing :)

And I wouldn't change a thing.

#30!!!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is post number thirty for the month of November. As you can see by the fancy, flashy, shiny new badge on the left side of my post.

Right here
<----
No, down a bit more.

Isn't it fun?! And kind of snarky/sarcastic?! Love it.

I also love that I made it to the end of the month with 30 posts! I didn't quite get one posted every day but I doubled up several days to make up for it. 30 posts, 30 days. Never done before by this blog.

I hope you've enjoyed them! Some were silly and done with very little effort and some of them meant a lot. This one, too. And this one, definitely.

I don't think I could have done it without blogging pressure (only the good kind, of course) from Debbi, Amerika, Jenn and Eric. It really is true it's easier to do things with others. There were quite a few other people doing NaBloPoMo and I hope there are even more if we do it in February!

Edited to add: my friend Megan in Japan was just 5 posts away! So close!
And another Megan (in Lawrence) was part of the fun, too.

But can you believe it? December is tomorrow. TOMORROW!

What I'm excited about in December:

• my goal of commenting more on other blogs
• working on my own website (this is a maybe or a Jan/Feb sort of thing- my computer access is limited in a few weeks)
• spending Christmas with this goofy guy
• the first snow fall (I LIKE snow. Don't hate.)
• holiday baking fest 2010
• hopefully, a possible job interview (my grandma and I keep dreaming about it - that's gotta mean something, right?!)

Weekend Bliss

I got a lot of really good living in this weekend.

Slept in and had a lazy Saturday morning (good start to the birthday, I think!), had lunch with friends, got a free giant iced chai at Dunn Brothers (I love the birthday freebies!), pampered myself at home and got all pretty for a birthday dinner with an awesome guy and then a night out on the town with a fun group of friends.

Today, had a delicious Wheatlfield's brunch, volunteered with the girl scouts at Hidden Valley (yupp, those are my sore muscles whimpering from the mulch pushing), and learned a new skill: HTML and CSS (for web coding and design).

It went by so quickly I'm a little amazed it's after 10pm on Sunday evening!

I know, Bliss right?!

So, things, as mentioned in previous entries, have been tough lately.

But see the title of my blog? finding bliss.


I think my goal of NaBloPoMo will be just that. finding bliss.


Because yeah, things aren't easy. But things are never easy. Some years/months/days are worse than others. But there are also years/months/days that are better than others.

And this year, though not over and which started out NotThatFun, will go down as a pretty stellar year. And I should focus on the positive. Makes me a happier, less hateful person.

So, in no particular order, the people that make my life rock:

Though my job is, ahem, challenging, I have amazing coworkers. I wish I could work with them forever (do I sound like a 13-year old girl?)

My roommate is awesome. We didn't meet until the day we moved in together (yay craigslist) on August 1, 2009. She's been a wonderful person to have in my life (and my house - both houses!)

I'm on good terms with my family. I actually feel closer to them then I have in a long time. That happens when you need them and they are there for you. And when you're honest with each other.

My friends are stellar:
My high school (shoot, I mean MIDDLE school) buds: Ashlee and Lindsey.
My friends from college: Becca (we have awesomely ridiculous gmail chats), Miss Rissky(who is like my personal philosopher), Ryan (and his new bride Laura), Megan (though she is far away in Japan), and Becky (who I just don't see enough)
My twitter buds: Caroline, Erin, Debbi, Amerika
Oh, and without going into ridiculously cute overload, my boyfriend rocks, too :)

Writing this made me smile.
finding bliss.

Cupcakes and birthdays and tv and family and argghhh.

Friend Erin's birthday is today -she's off teaching a class- so it's okay for me to reveal that I'm making cupcakes to take when we go to The Sandbar for some drinks! It's a school/work night so hopefully, things don't get too crazy. Or maybe, I will just call in sick. KIDDING BOSS! I mean, I HAVE like 20 sick days stacked up (let's not even talk about my 33 vacation days) but who needs a day off work? Not THIS woman!

Work is nuts - new leadership and new initiatives are making our office a little crazy. We're kicking off lots of new things in the next few weeks and it will be interesting to see how they go. Plus we had someone leave and I've taken over 1/2 her job through the end of the year (at least). Which means an awesome raise and/or bonus, right?! HA! At a state job? You didn't think I was serious, did you?

For whatever reason, even though I had missed what I thought was a large chunk of last season's House, I had to watch the premiere.Because, oh em gee: Huddy. Those two crazy kids finally got together. Thankfully, my DVR had it scheduled to record because I watched the first 10 minutes another TWO times since last night. Romantic. And hot. Apparently, I'm a sucker for couples that don't get together right away. Takes them FOREVER to finally realize what the want is right there: Scully and Mulder. Josh and Donna. Love. It. And, considering this summer's events, kind of funny/ironic, too.

My grandma fell and broke her hip last Friday morning. I didn't know until Sunday afternoon. Over FORTY-EIGHT hours later. As her favorite grandchild, I was DISTURBED to find out anything had even happened due to my sister's Facebook status. That should not even be a fathomable sentence. Possibly the first time I've thought- hey, who needs this Facebook anyhow? (I just NOW had this thought... so we'll see.) She'll be fine and out of the hospital by the end of the week and really, she's probably still just mad that it even happened. She's firery like that. And sassy. Which in no way has rubbed off on her oldest (and did I mention favorite?!) grandchild.

I will now interupt your lovely spring time with my EMOTIONS

I spent the second half of my commute (the whole 10 minutes of it) home today dissolving into a mess of tears.

Because sometimes life makes your heart swell
And then life cracks it a little bit
And then life tries to fix it, but the nail it's using to try and fix it makes it hurt a little bit more
And then you just feel heartbroken. About everything.

I don't think I was ready for change this year. Friends leaving physically, friends giving up emotionally, and an emotional roller coaster ride of "I don't know what to do about the thing that I can't do anything about".

I have a CLOSE friend who has been living in Japan since the middle of 2008 and I wasn't as emotional about her moving then as I am about things now. Maybe because I had just graduated from college and I was EXPECTING change. I understood it. I was in the middle of change of my own.

But now, movie trailers about a silly horse (ok, the IMPOSSIBLE true story) and the rain can make me cry without much resistance.

Today might also be the result of my freshman college roommate's wedding over the weekend. I didn't cry much - okay, I got a little teary-eyed - but just being around her family and the outpouring of LOVE that happens when, for 48 hours, you celebrate two people's LOVE for each other makes you (I mean me) a little more tender-hearted then usual. And TRUST me, I am pretty sure I was tender-hearted enough.

Can I start this over?

Downside of today:
I couldn't get into my car because the keypad stopped working (and no, the key doesn't work either, don't ask).
I have lost my ability to get faculty members to do what I want when it comes to advising students. I'd like that back please.

Upside of today:
I started a new bank account (fresh start, people, fresh start!)
I got my teeth clean (and while they are sensitive) they feel really good!
I have great friends who are willing to rush to my side at a moment's notice to help. FIVE of them were willing to help me out this morning! In the rain! On a Monday morning! <3
It is Margarita Monday and I'm going to have like 5 (because I won't be able to drink for the next 28 days- also a downside, I guess).

Being Social

I still live in the college town where I went to school. I happen to love this. I get to enjoy people, places and things very unlike how I did when I was a student (I have more time now, strictly working 40 hours a week when, as an undergrad, I had a full-time schedule, p/t job and double full-time activities load).

A few months after I started my full-time job, my closest friend Megan, moved to Japan with her boyfriend, now husband. Other than friends who were still in school, I didn't know many people other than my coworkers and my friend Ryan (late 2008 we spent most of our time watching episodes of LOST and Six Feet Under - we were exciting). And friends who moved to Kansas City might as well fallen off the end of the earth as often as I get to see them... (they clearly forgot how awesome Lawrence is).

Last winter (Feb 2008) my friend Briana dragged me to, what she was calling, a "tweetup". Yes, I was using twitter and conversing with local people, but did I actually want to meet these people?!

Short answer: yes, of course I did!

Now the people I've met via Twitter I see almost weekly. We have Lawrence Margarita Mondays at The Sandbar, lunch a few times a month, dinner sporadically and, every so often, shenanigans down on Mass Street (I even found someone to crash with while I was in between leases). This is in addition to the official monthly tweetups hosted by the Lawrence Tweetup organization.

Tonight, I'm heading to the Re:fresh! Art Show at the Barrel House downtown after Lawrence Margarita Mondays and the local tweeters get a VIP box!

Cheers to being social!

Deep breath

Last Friday, I made plans to go see a movie with friends over in KC. I rushed home after work, changed clothes, attempted to redo my makeup and stuffed a snack in my purse (and by purse, I mean giant bag that will fit snacks enough for 10 people attending a movie - that's how I roll...) and hit the road. The minute my tires exited the Lawrence city limits and my spedometer cruised to 70 (okay, probably 78) I felt like a different person. I reflected on the previous 2 weeks. My shoulders felt 20 pounds lighter, I turned up the radio and sang to every obnoxious pop song that came on the radio. I made myself laugh at a joke about Train, Collective Soul and being confused about being in the 90s again. I would have tweeted it if I hadn't been going 75, ok 80 miles per hour. Holy cow, I've been stressed and was not even dealing with it. I've been focused on some changes at work and getting into a workout routine. I've been freaking out about my limited cash flow -well, more about the paycheck I can't keep because of all my student loans.

I realized I had not been out of Lawrence since I returned home after Christmas with my family. I love this town, but two months without leaving this Lawrence is too long. Sometimes, you just need a change of pace or change of scenery. I was definitely getting a change this evening. I got some good KC BBQ and saw Alice in Wonderland in 3D. I vented to friends about other friends' stupidity and the changes at work. We talked wedding plans (not MINE of course) and job searches.

But I still had things to do last weekend. But got none of them done Saturday because of what I would call a depression like state. I am not actually depressed but last Saturday was awful. All my stress had built up and was now falling down and crushing me. And I was sitting on the couch letting it. So, I made a decision last Sunday to get up and do the things I needed and wanted to do. I went to the gym. I hate some fruits and veggies, I went on a walk with some friends at a park, I went to the grocery store and bought some good-for-me and yummy food. I came home and cooked. I was in a better mood because I had decided to be. Despite the stress.

Becca: "we need to make a fort or something and make it a no-drama zone"

Truer words have never been spoken.

So who has a set of construction plans for a really sweet (and drama-resistant) fort?

Happy Tears

I was in 9th grade when my emotional sensibilities kicked in. We watched "The Odyssey" in my English literature course and when Odysseus' wife, Penelope, realizes her husband has returned after 17 long years away, I wept for them. Thankfully, the lights were off in the classroom and my silent tears went mostly unnoticed by my classmates. That same year, I watched "City of Angels". And Nicolas Cage's previously unfelt pain was like my pain. He gave up everything for Meg Ryan and then she was gone. I set next to my friend since Kindergarten, Caroline, as we both tried to hide our tears. Apparently, we were saps.

But I didn't get it from any stranger: graduations, particularly important birthdays, high school dances, meaningful Christmas gifts, "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart; all produce tears from my mother's eyes. My sister and I used to make fun of her, now we embrace it. Especially since we're usually right there with her. My sister decided to make my mom a scrapbook of family photos for christmas. She started in October. I contributed scrapbooking materials, my sister's boyfriend picked out the book, and his son (my sister's semi-stepson) created his own page full of pictures and stickers. We decided weeks ago my mom would bawl like a baby when she opened it. A week or two before Christmas, she commented on this to her boyfriend's 5-year old son who responded, with alarm: "why will Cappy (Cathy) cry?". My sister told him our mom would be crying happy tears, not sad tears. But the tears came far before Christmas morning, when my mom eventually opened (and cried over) her scrapbook. Christmas Eve, she had my sister and I open identical presents. Small, silver bracelets that read"Sisters are different flowers from the same garden". A few glasses of wine in, and obviously, we were a little emotional about it.

A few times in the past couple months, I've found myself crying for no particular reason. Usually, in the car when I have nothing but my thoughts to keep me company or when an emotional song hits me, juuuust right.

Example:

• Laughed Until We Cried by Jason Aldean

More Jason Aldean music on iLike

But a lot of the time, I'm just thinking about all the good right now: my family, my high school friends, my college friends, my Lawrence friends, my coworkers, my job. Life isn't perfect, but I'm living it. Everyday, I'm doing what I want. I'm enjoying what I have. I'm dating someone and trying not to freak out or do that thing women do. I'm just glad I get to spend time with someone I am so grateful to have met this year who also happens to be an incredible person. Other than that, I don't want to push it.

So, there's all this good stuff? And I'm appreciating what I DO have, opposed to lamenting what I DON'T. I think that's what us humans would call happiness. And I'm thrilled to be there! May you always cry more happy tears!

In a perfect world

Briana: When we have our own event planning company, our hours won't start until 10 AM (because of all of the late night events we'll have of course) but we'll aim to be at the gym together by 8 AM to exercise and get coffee. (at least in my head :) )
And every night a certain someone will sing me this song:


In a perfect world. I think I'll work on it.

But right now, I took the day off from work so I could work on my paper due for class on Thursday. So, I should probably actually do some writing.

Things I Like

"Should've Been a Cowboy" by Alan Jackson (favorite country song ever)

Music that puts me in a good mood (Single Ladies and Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy)

Flash Mobs (see below)

Sending emails to friends KNOWING it will make them laugh

Most of my coworkers (seriously, they're awesome people)

Being challenged at work (I'm putting a positive spin on things today)

Coffee dates

Talking about weddings (it's an addiction)

Finding out new things about myself with a little help from my friends

Cranberry Facts (ex. did you know when they harvest cranberries from a bog, they flood the field and scoop the cranberries that rise to the top?! And another one: people with darker skin develop frostbite more easily)

Knowing what's right and what's easy and doing the right thing even if you have to tell a friend "no" (How's that for cryptic!? ha)

and last, but certainly not least: FRIDAYS

flashmob AND Single Ladies, all rolled into one:

What my Dad's missed...

or, the past 6 months of my life. I haven't talked to my Dad since the end of March. The brief argument was silly but because of the challenges/issues we've had my whole life it's not something I'm going to let go of until we've figured it out and neither of us have attempted communication since then. I need to tell him how he's hurt me and how he's disappointed me. And then I'll tell him about my six extraordinarily, ridiculous 6 months:

I was in my first wedding. I went to two more weddings. I planned and was maid of honor for another wedding.

I moved twice. Once into a home of someone I barely knew. It worked out well.
It was an amazing and challenging summer, all at the same time. This summer gave me a different perspective on marriage, on kids, on life. Gave me the adult/parent version. I've shifted away from being the kid and shifted to being the adult.

I have an awesome new group of people I call friends here in the small city in which I live. I wouldn't have thought it to be such an important thing, but it has been. I needed the grown-up friends. Not just the people I still know from college. But I've also come to appreciate my friends from high school and college so much more. They know who I was at 15, at 18, at 22, at 24 (and it's surprisingly different And, sometimes, they know exactly what to say.

I dated someone who was actually closer in age to my dad than me. (I won't tell either of them that. Though, I may be tempted if either happens to piss me off anymore...) We ended up not knowing each other very well yet, or maybe because of, the way he ended it hurt. Actually, it made it ten times worse. (Let's just say I don't like things to be ambiguous. I'm big on honesty and knowing what the heck is going on.)

I was admitted to a graduate program. I completed my first class over the summer, despite all the drama listed above. I started my 2nd class. I realized, despite being almost 25, I am VERY different from 22-year olds, fresh out of their undergraduate experience.

A moved in with a complete stranger and it has turned out phenomenally well. I've had good/bad roommate situations, but this one is the most surprising.

I've been on the hunt for the perfect dog. Sammie should be joining the family next week!

I'll tell my Dad some of this, he doesn't need to know it all. It's been six months? Wow, life is moving fast.

*blogger only lets you use 10 tags. So in addition: weekend, women, men, puppy, harry potter, kansas, lawrence, hope, learning.... because life is full of everything.

friendship = bear stand tables

One of my best friends (I have several who are all extremely fabulous and cool, I know you're jealous), Ashlee, and I looooove to spend our "free" time looking for pets, furniture and other fun things on Craigslist.

Our gchat from today (we were looking for a headboard for me to recover as a DIY):
Ashlee: Because we all need more reasons to troll Craigslist (I'm addicted)

me: me too

Ashlee: the pets section will be my undoing

Sent at 2:24 PM on Wednesday

Ashlee: i'm getting you this for your birthday.. heeeeee http://stlouis.craigslist.org/fuo/1377585000.html

See below for visual...

My awesome present? This:



I have the most awesome best friends in the WORLD.

Edited to add THIS as a bonus gift for the kitchen:



Klassy (as Ashlee would say).

Reason for the tears

Fried Green Tomatoes
"I found out what the secret to life is: friends. Best friends."
"A heart can be broken, but it will keep beating just the same."

Love Actually
When Emma Thompson's character cries
The airport montage at the end

Garden State
The end, in the airport. (Apparently, really emotional things happen in the airport...)

"My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw

When I feel helpless or stupid.

Hallmark commercials.

When my sister is upset.

When my family makes me mad.

Why we're friends

I have awesome and hilarious friends. And sometimes, they say things, and I remember why I love them. Maybe this is one of those "had to be there" moments, but it's my blog, so I'm sharing.

On the phone with a friend and she says:

So, this boy came in the office the other day and I was like, "whoa I hope he flirts with me!" and that was the end of that story.

About being a girl...

I *KNOW* how to change a tire. I am comfortable in my ability to do so. But here's the thing. I have girl genes. You know, the genes that dictate my gender. Of the two options, what is, to be truly realistic, the more feminine gender. This may appear sexist, but it is the case for me. So, when I need to change a tire. I know how, but physically CANNOT. And, as an independent woman, this pisses me off! So, this afternoon, I could not change my tire. My male roommate did. *angry face*



It's been 10 days of crazy and I've loved every minute of it. I literally had too much fun this past weekend. What happens, you ask, when you have too much fun?! You literally make yourself sick. True story.

But here are the highlights.
*Brown Bag Drag on campus! Along with Chancellor's event and school field trips. There's always a lot going on during the Brown Bag Drag lunch hour!



*We drove the 50 minutes to Kaufman Stadium so we could watch the Royals game Saturday night. An hour before the first pitch, standing room only tickets had been made available and then sold out twice. We weren't getting in this game. In my defense, Becky had told me the games had been selling out and I *DID* tell Ryan. He just didn't listen to me. See, this is what boys get for not listening to the ladies! We didn't get to see the game, but we did get some beer, some good grillin' and a viewing of Sex and The City with the ladies. (Also, my allergies kicked in, but let's focus on the fun, no?!)

*This weekend was also jampacked with some crazy, good old-fashioned Kansas weather. Tornadoes, hail and thunderstorms, oh my! I love a good thunderstorm. Despite the noise and lightening, it's oddly comforting.

*Got to see some friends who I hadn't seen in awhile. Becca (who lives in central Kansas stayed with me the whole weekend), Becky (who is in charge of some before and after programs in the KC area AND my freshman year dorm roommate!), and Lauren (who is working on her phD in Scotland!)

All in all, one of the best weekends in a long time. But also the cause of my blogging hiatus, despite BEDA. oops.
Random notes from the tv I have on in the background:

"Arlen is willing to eat it" as said by Chris Matthews on Keith Olberman's show tonight about Arlen Spector. Just MOMENTS after he has slobber on his chin. You're a winner, Chris.

Later, "I'm glad to be your lead-in bro" said by Chris to Keith. Someone should tell him to shut up!