on the subject of registries...

Bed Bath and Beyond get points for free wedding gift wrapping.

Target gets points for having the aisle listed with every item on the registry.


Both need to get it together and incorporate what the other one does for pure wedding registry dominance.


Tales of a professional bridesmaid and wedding-goer. Can anyone offer me a book deal?

Here's an idea

Taking action over an injustice is MUCH more satisfying then complaining about it.

Maybe because I'm the sort of person who keeps adding to my list of things to do when life gets rough. But maybe because when you try to change something, it's much more likely you'll have an impact.

And no one likes a cry-baby.

easy, right?

I think the goal in life is to do what you want to do every single day and figure out how to make money doing that.

If only that were as easy as typing this sentence.

Home and Perspective

"I looked at the canopy above us, and suddenly saw what he saw. My perspective completely shifted. I realized I didn't have his "eyes' -- though once he pointed it out, it became obvious. It made me think, "My God, I never look enough," and in the years since, I've tried very hard to look --and look again.""

The cable has been gone for less than 48 hours and I am already reading more. Above, is an excerpt from Julie Andrew's autobiography, "Home". I'm not a person who considered biographies often, but my grandma suggested I borrow it from her (and I often take what books my grandma thinks I should read). And while the reading has been slow going (before yesterday I don't think I had picked up the book in more than 3 weeks) I've really enjoyed it. If you think about her now, who doesn't absolutely adore Julie Andrews? Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, and the list goes on and on. 

I always thought I was one who saw things relatively well. I have always noticed the flowers along the road and the changing colors of the leaves but I think there are additional details, additional perspectives you see with different people, different experiences. And I'm glad I can still meet new people and learn new things from them. 

It's also interesting how your perspective of yourself changes. I think it's harder to view yourself objectively, too many internal feelings screwing up the brain process. This can be especially true as your growing and trying to figure out who you are as a person. For Julie Andrews, she could have never known the success she would have in entertainment; at the age of 17, she also didn't know she was talented enough to have a long-lasting career:

"In spite of the success of Cinderella, I still didn't feel that I would have an ongoing career. I could perform in radio, vaudeville, and pantomime -- but I felt that with Cinderella, my career had peaked."

So, what aren't you seeing? In yourself or in your surroundings?

How'd THAT get there?

As I left work today, I had to make sure I had the orange pen.

Orange? you ask. Why orange? Well, sometimes a horrific proof-reading job needs bright colors. And because I like to be consistent (makes me more in control, yes?!) I had to bring the orange pen home because I'm working from home this weekend.

But where in the world was the CAP to the orange pen? Not on the desk anywhere, not on the floor. Well, I had no idea so I grabbed the cap to the black pen. Because, black pens are boring anyway.

So, I'm home now, writing a blog post (not this one, one that I'll post tomorrow). Thinking about a nap to prepare for my big evening (big evening hanging out with the boyfriend's friends and their kids! So I'd rather not be sleepy!)

I adjust my bra and realize there's something in there. It's the damn cap for the orange pen!


-see post title-

Yeah, I have no idea.

cable and books and words

Returned my cable box today. No more cable. The DVR was nice but the most important shows I watch (House, Glee, Dexter) I can watch online or via Netflix DVDs (thanks Phil!)

So, no more defaulting to turning on the tv when I want to DO something. I'll read a book (haven't done THAT in weeks!) or write. Or take a walk.

Good-bye sixty-some dollar cable bill-I won't miss you a bit!

Bridesmaids and Bangs

I'm using this picture to tell the story of my weekend. Literblog genius, right?

Have I mentioned that my (not real) goal in life is to become Katherine Heigl's character from 27 Dresses? Okay, that's a lie. But I'm making a good run at it. I kicked off my "you're an adult now and all your friends are getting married" time in my life last year. 4 weddings in 2009, 2 of which I was a bridesmaid. 3 weddings in 2010, 2 of which I was a bridesmaid. And I've still got a good handful of unmarried friends. I may soon have a closet dedicated to all my bridesmaids dresses!

So, this weekend, my friend/co-worker Denise got married in Lawrence. A LOVELY fall wedding. Fortunately, Denise had enough insight to let her bridesmaids (with the short dresses) wear a shrug of sorts over the dress. It was perfect (see above).

It had been MONTHS (actually, since the last wedding I was in ) since I had a hair-cut. I NEEDED a haircut. So, I gambled and made an appointment to have my hair cut at the cosmetology school in town for the morning of the wedding. I had been thinking about getting bangs. But do I risk it at the cosmetology school mere HOURS before I need to take pictures for the wedding? (These pictures last forever - you need to look good in them!)

I took a risk and got the bangs (again, see above. But know that I was being silly in that picture and they don't hang in my face like that). I love them. And my boyfriend likes my bangs. Not that he has to, because it's MY hair... but it's cute that he does.

And now I'm going to stop talking about the bangs. Because, you know, it's just hair.

Unrelated: I'm planning a pumpkin-carving, cider-drinking, apple-picking Fall Frenzy. SO excited! Love fall.

Today: I was called a "smart-ass" and a "millennial"...

... I was more upset about being called a millennial.

The beginning of this year was trying. This summer made up for the crappy first few months of 2010 and have moved it into the "awesome year" category.

Not that there are not still challenges. Dental bills are ridiculous and student loans are astronomical. It's crazy that I can have regrets about attending and paying for an out of state education yet still not regret coming to Lawrence, KS (I love living here and I have an incredible group of people that I know). But school loans are another post...

So, let's start from the beginning...

Work has been insane. I think our stress release has been to complain and make jokes to each other (and sometimes, not in the presence of certain others...) but I still fear we're all about to crack. Several of us have explicitly mentioned that we might (and probably are ) looking for other jobs. I can't say I don't agree... do you think the state of Kansas pays that well?

So, I walked into another part of the office, looking for a co-worker and my boss heard me, asked who it was and said "oh, another one of our smart-asses" (!!!)  I went in there and asked what I had done. I certainly was guilty of a few jokes/pranks in the office, but thought I had been pretty good lately. She assured me she meant it in the best way possible and it was actually a pretty hilarious moment.

Later, after the day of meetings and a presentation and general annoyance about work/finances I stopped into see some people I worked with when I was a student. Let's just say, I went to the wrong place for sympathy. "Not enough pay and too much work?" I was asked. Well, yeah. Exactly. If you find yourself in that situation, you try and resolve it. I don't have enough money to pay all my bills and don't want to be totally stressed out by the amount of money that goes to overdraft fees.

Basically, now I'm a whiny millennial. And having that conversation made me more whiny.

I don't think it's wrong to want to NOT be in a place where you can't buy ANYTHING for 4 days because your credit cards are maxed out and your bank account is in the red. Finances will only become more complicated with a family and I'd like to be financially stable before I begin that process. Is that too much to ask for?

I don't think so.

Dear Wendy: "Are Men Turned Off By Strong Women?" | The Frisky

Dear Wendy: "Are Men Turned Off By Strong Women?" | The Frisky

Recently, I was talking with a male friend at a party about my most recent relationship and why things maybe didn’t work out between me and the guy I had been seeing. He looked at me and said: “Frankly, you are too much of an alpha male.” Yes, I’m a strong, confidant women, and I’m willing to admit that I can be rough around the edges, but once you get to know me I’m a great, caring person with a lot to offer. I can’t help but wonder when being a confidant, independent and powerful woman became such a bad thing to men? When did taking care of myself and not being a pushover become such a bad thing to the opposite sex? — Alpha She-male

It’s not. Find some new guys to hang out with and you’ll see how weak-in-the-knees a woman like you can make an equally strong, confidant man.

Yes, yes and yes. 

My alarm is my best friend

I woke up over an hour earlier than I usually do because the cats were rummaging around in my closet. After shooing them out, I realized my head and nose were stuffy. A cold? Welcome to Friday? So, I'm awake now, writing a blog post before I even go to work and hoping the coffee I brewed today is magic. And by magic, I mean laced with cold-killing drugs.

I honestly wish I was a person who woke up and could just spend time drinking coffee, eating a bowl of cereal and reading blogs while getting ready for work every morning instead of rushing around. I normally hit my alarm for well over 30 minutes. I just CAN'T wake up or get out of bed. I know I have to and it would be SO much easier if I had more than 30 minutes to get ready. But I can't.

Anyone have any tips? Besides just being late to work?

Happy Friday?

P.S. Is it just really cruel to be sick on a Friday? I have things to do this weekend! Final Fridays downtown, celebrating a friend's birthday, Band Day parade with the girl scout troop I volunteer for and roasting coffee beans!

give me a break technology!

My friend Erin's birthday surprise (cupcakes!) was almost ruined when I thought she was going to read the blog yesterday while in the car on the way to her birthday celebration! YES, the cupcakes were in the back seat of my car and YES they were creating a lovely, cupcake-y aroma.

How did she almost ruin it, you ask?! Stupid, stupid technology. I had tweeted about "blog vomiting" earlier in the evening and she asked if I had posted it and where. I responded "blogger" without thinking about the very, very smart android phone in her hand. I told her "don't look at it! it's a surprise!". She asked "why?" I responded "ooh, look it's lightening!" She wasn't distracted as I thought she would be but I was able to move the conversation away from the blog and the imminent cupcake surprise.

grr

I've worked hard for the past two years and I should be on top of everything. Paying the bills I need to, not bouncing any more checks, no more overdraft fees. But no. I had to get a car payment. Dental bills are out of control.

Things don't have to be perfect. And I don't need $5,000 in savings for any decorating whim or travel adventure I want.

But not having to worry about how to pay for the next tank of gas or "making it to pay day" is NOT where I thought I'd be two years out of school. I don't need everything.I just need enough.

/frustrated

Cupcakes and birthdays and tv and family and argghhh.

Friend Erin's birthday is today -she's off teaching a class- so it's okay for me to reveal that I'm making cupcakes to take when we go to The Sandbar for some drinks! It's a school/work night so hopefully, things don't get too crazy. Or maybe, I will just call in sick. KIDDING BOSS! I mean, I HAVE like 20 sick days stacked up (let's not even talk about my 33 vacation days) but who needs a day off work? Not THIS woman!

Work is nuts - new leadership and new initiatives are making our office a little crazy. We're kicking off lots of new things in the next few weeks and it will be interesting to see how they go. Plus we had someone leave and I've taken over 1/2 her job through the end of the year (at least). Which means an awesome raise and/or bonus, right?! HA! At a state job? You didn't think I was serious, did you?

For whatever reason, even though I had missed what I thought was a large chunk of last season's House, I had to watch the premiere.Because, oh em gee: Huddy. Those two crazy kids finally got together. Thankfully, my DVR had it scheduled to record because I watched the first 10 minutes another TWO times since last night. Romantic. And hot. Apparently, I'm a sucker for couples that don't get together right away. Takes them FOREVER to finally realize what the want is right there: Scully and Mulder. Josh and Donna. Love. It. And, considering this summer's events, kind of funny/ironic, too.

My grandma fell and broke her hip last Friday morning. I didn't know until Sunday afternoon. Over FORTY-EIGHT hours later. As her favorite grandchild, I was DISTURBED to find out anything had even happened due to my sister's Facebook status. That should not even be a fathomable sentence. Possibly the first time I've thought- hey, who needs this Facebook anyhow? (I just NOW had this thought... so we'll see.) She'll be fine and out of the hospital by the end of the week and really, she's probably still just mad that it even happened. She's firery like that. And sassy. Which in no way has rubbed off on her oldest (and did I mention favorite?!) grandchild.

I'd rather fold laundry

Tonight, I need to go home and call my dad. I have to ask him for $1,000. I have a ridiculous dental situation. Worst mix of genetics and happenstance I've ever known. And sadly, the once "who needs "$1700 a year in dental work" dental insurance is now far short of what I need (and the getting away so I can be independent has me paying back ridiculous out-of-state student loans on a salary from the place I earned that degree and that independence).

I've needed to call my dad since Sunday. He probably has the money. If he does, he'll give it to me. But I don't want to have the NEED to ask for it. A bit part of moving away and going to college and getting a job was to be INDEPENDENT. I've wanted to be independent since probably the age of 6 or 7 when I learned what the word meant.

I've had several things to do this week on my list. Might be the weather or just tasks I don't want to do but the remaining ones includes folding the 5 piles of laundry on my couch and calling my dad. I'm the kind of person who will do things I don't like doing before doing things I REALLY don't like doing.

I will probably fold the laundry first.

la la la lalala

Good weekend. Great weekend. Probably Top 10. Maybe Top 5?
Today was ridiculously lazy. Slept in. Watched the weirdest movie I've seen in awhile. (seriously, "You, Me And Everyone We Know" is the weirdest movie you will watch this year, I guarantee it). Made a trip to the grocery store looking fairly grungy (hey! I brushed my teeth) for eggs and bacon. Then made said eggs and bacon. And, you guessed it, had a delicious brunch. At 2:30 in the afternoon. That's what Sundays are for, right?

I've finally caught up on my google reader (there was some READ ALL use, sorry guys!) and I hope to be around more. I forgot how much I love the blogs of the people I read. You people are interesting! And it's a nice reminder that even someone I have never "met" is going through the same type of life trials that I am familiar with. It's life, huh?

In my catch ups, I've been trying to pay attention to people who have a twitter account. I'm trying to make a rockin' list of my favorite bloggers who tweet. Because if I like your blog, I bet you're just as funny/awesome in 140 characters. And I am an uber-twitter fan :)

www.twitter.com/bailann

Here I Am

Have you ever been to a place that just amazes you?

Maybe it's a place. For me, a physical place would be the mountains. I love a good view with mountains and trees and sky and space. But the ocean, too. Endless. And peaceful yet powerful.

But then there's another location, that if are truly amazed by, life seems brilliant and beautiful and limitless. It's that place, in your mind, where you've realized you have and are exactly what you want at this moment. It's not perfection. Nothing ever will be. But it's handling the imperfections the best you can. Smiling and laughing every chance you get.

I think it's the approaching fall that has me inspired and appreciating everything. Life seems more free, more in MY control. The summer heat always makes me feel trapped and immovable. Even just this brief cooler weather is a release. I can stretch more. Do more. Be capable of anything. Everything. It's a new beginning. For me this year, not really because of a new school semester. But a change in season means new goals and a new mindset. I can be whoever I want to be.

Not that I want to be a totally different person. This just seems to be the best time to make the changes I want. I truly believe you can make a concentrated effort to improve yourself every day - even if it's tiny and you're picking at a mountain with a spoon - but this season, it seems the changes I want can happen instantly.

So, I'm here at 25 years old, knowing how I got here but still blown away by what my life has brought me. It hasn't been easy, but that's made everything that much worthwhile. And I can't wait to see where else I go.

Summer '10

So, another summer going by way too quickly. And this bothers me even though:
a) I still work the same schedule. Damn, that whole "adult" thing.
b) I hate, hate HATE the Kansas summer, specifically, the humidity. Jetpack to September, please? October, since I'm wishing for things!

But it's been a fun summer. Float trips and camping and drinks on The Sandbar patio and staying up too late having some fun with a hilarious group of friends.

And perceptions have changed. It's surreal how the way you view someone can change so quickly. And as much as I believe in life happening based on the decisions you make, it's almost comforting to realize that people and events sometimes get in your way for a reason. A reason, you don't quite understand or know. Because sometimes you have to learn a few lessons before you can recognize something.

Happy summer.

He's just awkward

My sister and I realized a few weeks ago that our dad doesn't quite know what to do with us. We're grown up. I moved away, went to college and started a life in another state. My sister is practically a stay at home step-mom to a 5 year old (adorable) little boy. She's only 22. She and her boyfriend own a house with a cat and a dog. The last time I was home, I realized my dad is just totally awkward at her house. I don't think he love her boyfriend, but he certainly can't hate him. It's like he doesn't know what to do with two grown daughters. He still gives us money and will be coming to help me move next weekend. But he doesn't need to lecture us (not that he did much anyway) or try and keep us in line.  But he can't quite figure out how to be a Dad to two grown women.

I guess life is full of weird transition issues.

One last tear

Had The Conversation. 
Said what I wanted to say. Let him know how it hurt.

One last tear. A walk in the warm summer air. 
Apparently what doesn't kill you does make you stronger.

It didn't last long but it was still huge and important. And it feels good to have survived it.

And I will not cry anymore because it's over but smile because it happened and because I didn't hold anything back. I love that about me.

I will now interupt your lovely spring time with my EMOTIONS

I spent the second half of my commute (the whole 10 minutes of it) home today dissolving into a mess of tears.

Because sometimes life makes your heart swell
And then life cracks it a little bit
And then life tries to fix it, but the nail it's using to try and fix it makes it hurt a little bit more
And then you just feel heartbroken. About everything.

I don't think I was ready for change this year. Friends leaving physically, friends giving up emotionally, and an emotional roller coaster ride of "I don't know what to do about the thing that I can't do anything about".

I have a CLOSE friend who has been living in Japan since the middle of 2008 and I wasn't as emotional about her moving then as I am about things now. Maybe because I had just graduated from college and I was EXPECTING change. I understood it. I was in the middle of change of my own.

But now, movie trailers about a silly horse (ok, the IMPOSSIBLE true story) and the rain can make me cry without much resistance.

Today might also be the result of my freshman college roommate's wedding over the weekend. I didn't cry much - okay, I got a little teary-eyed - but just being around her family and the outpouring of LOVE that happens when, for 48 hours, you celebrate two people's LOVE for each other makes you (I mean me) a little more tender-hearted then usual. And TRUST me, I am pretty sure I was tender-hearted enough.