I spent the second half of my commute (the whole 10 minutes of it) home today dissolving into a mess of tears.
Because sometimes life makes your heart swell
And then life cracks it a little bit
And then life tries to fix it, but the nail it's using to try and fix it makes it hurt a little bit more
And then you just feel heartbroken. About everything.
I don't think I was ready for change this year. Friends leaving physically, friends giving up emotionally, and an emotional roller coaster ride of "I don't know what to do about the thing that I can't do anything about".
I have a CLOSE friend who has been living in Japan since the middle of 2008 and I wasn't as emotional about her moving then as I am about things now. Maybe because I had just graduated from college and I was EXPECTING change. I understood it. I was in the middle of change of my own.
But now, movie trailers about a silly horse (ok, the IMPOSSIBLE true story) and the rain can make me cry without much resistance.
Today might also be the result of my freshman college roommate's wedding over the weekend. I didn't cry much - okay, I got a little teary-eyed - but just being around her family and the outpouring of LOVE that happens when, for 48 hours, you celebrate two people's LOVE for each other makes you (I mean me) a little more tender-hearted then usual. And TRUST me, I am pretty sure I was tender-hearted enough.