words to save/or

~Live Simply * Love Generously * Care Deeply * Speak Kindly~

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

On second thought...

This past week, I came to a realization. I don't LIKE my graduate program. Let me tell you, this is a very unsettling thing to realize. I thought about doing this higher education admin program before I even left undergrad, but the thought of my student loans from my out of state tuition gave me good reason to find a job that paid more than $9 an hour. So a few months after graduation, I was hired for my current job. I found out that I could take one class a semester and have it paid for by my current employer? Great, right?

Being a goal-minded person, I looked into the higher education admin program because, well, that's pretty much what I was doing and why the heck not get a master's degree? I applied this past February, was admitted and took my first elective over the summer. It was a tad overwhelming, simply due to the fast paced nature of the summer class and because I was super busy with other things in my life. But I survived, and they didn't kick me out, so I continued this fall.

I realized last week that my loans would not be deferred because I was a student again - shoot! It dawned on me that I was only tolerating the work because it made my budget easier to handle (that happens when you don't have to pay your student loans) and that is probably the WORST reason to be in school. A coworker said she had so much more fun in grad school than as an undergrad. I stared at her in disbelief. Granted, I'm working full-time and doing school part-time, but I don't think grad school is something you do because you "should" but because you "want" to. I also realized, I don't think advising/working at a university is something I'll do forever. I like it now, but I sometimes think I would like to go back to my j-school degree and do the marketing thing. But who knows what will happen. That's the exciting part, right?! I do know, another coworker went through the same grad program and she said it only goes down hill from the class I'm in now. And she completed it full-time, which took 2 years. We both are that rare post-undergrad that ENJOYS working opposed to missing the life of a college student and constant classwork. So, I'm taking her thoughts on the program very seriously. She still feels that, 6 months later, she's recovering from being in the program.

What I really would like to change about my life is the amount of income I have. I don't want to change my job - I genuinely enjoy it and the people I work with. I would like to explore new things and take risks. And if I have 10 hours a week to work on a class I don't like, what if I spent that time doing what I enjoy and in which I find value? Life, I think, would be that much greater. There have been people in my life recently who, in the way they act and think about the way they live there life, have influenced the importance I put on how I spend my life. It's a great lesson to learn and to apply in life.

As logical as this grad program is, I just don't think my heart is in it. And I've learned enough in a few years that our time should only be spent with people and doing things that we love. Why would I deny myself that?

Thought for the week:
"God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you
NEED: To help you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be." - unknown

An Award!

Life is a little out of control. But I'm living it and loving it. But I would like to do a better job at sharing and expressing what's going on in my life. That being said, I received my first blogging award over TWO months ago and I have yet to pass it on. A true blog fail, indeed. So, I'm rededicating myself to sharing my life with all the people who read this. All 6 of you!


Rebecca, from Living a Life of Writing, had bestowed upon me the Superior Scribbler Award. That in itself is exciting but let me tell you, I am in some impressive company! I'm a fan of this description of the award: What is a Superior Scribbler? One who employs mad skillz to communicate in this crazy, crazy world. Who pontificates, explains, memorializes & entertains. Who has a funny bone & is not afraid to use it. Whose cyber-crib we return to again & again, because it just feels right.
The Super Scribbler

1. Each Superior Scribbler, must in turn, pass the Award on to 5 most-deserving bloggy buds.

2. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and name of the blog from whom he/she has received the Award.

3. Each Superior Scribbler must display the Award on his/her blog and link to this post which explains the Award.

4. Each blogger who wins the Award must visit this post and add his or her name to the Mr. Linky List at the Scholastic-Scribe's blog. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who wins this prestigious Award!

5. Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Here are my Superior Scribblers:

1. Carolina Girl... because, even though we've never met, I'm pretty sure it would be great fun to have drinks with her!

2. Lauren Nicole Love... because Lauren created the fabulous image that I used in my blog header (thanks AGAIN by the way!) And she posts lots of pretty pictures and words and things. :)

3. Yellaphant... just because Bridget has no filter and it's fantastic.

4. Around the Way Girl (or Girl From Around the Way...? blogging issues, yuck!) Anna covers books and fashion and pretty pictures. It's great fun!

5. Places With Character Duta chronicles the interesting places she's been and her life in Israel. I love learning about different places.

yeah, we're gonna let it slide

my absolute favorite songs. (i will probably continue to add to this list... and make a killer playlist)

slide - goo goo dolls (all time favorite EVER)*
wedding day - rosie thomas
hey there delilah - plain white t's
she ain't right - lee brice
wasted - carrie underwood
best of you - foo fighters*
the luckiest - ben folds
want to - sugarland*
arms of a woman - amos lee
hey jude -beatles*
i need you - tim mcgraw and faith hill
vindicated - dashboard confessional
criminal -fiona apple
unchained melody - elvis
i can't stop lovin' you - keith urban
colorblind - counting crows
wind beneath my wings - bette midler
tiny dancer - elton john (or tony danza.... ha)
cowboy take me away - dixie chicks
wonderwall - oasis*
turn me on - norah jones*
time of my life - green day*
tonight, tonight - smashing pumpkins
landslide - fleetwood mac*
i've got friends in low places - garth brooks
undone (the sweater song) - weezer
georgia on my mind - ray charles
don't stop believin' - journey*
should've been a cowboy - alan jackson*
you give me something - james morrison
dear joan - rob thomas
both sides now - joni mitchell

edited later to add:
mrs. robinson - simon & garfunkel

edited to * top 10 favorites

life

It's hard, this thing called life. It doesn't make sense most of the time. There are fantastic feelings, amazing experiences and incredible people. But it still doesn't make sense. Be warm and happy and enjoying dinner and wine with friends one evening. And in the back of your mind thinking about this new, exciting possibility with someone you're getting to know. And life is good at this moment. Because it's unknown and full of potential. And the next morning. Well, the next morning you read something. And you have no idea what it's about but your project. You project your worst thoughts and fears on this and imagine the worst possibility. Except, even that worst possibility shouldn't have an affect on you. But that small bubble of regret or loathing bubbles up within you and pushes out all the warm and happy feelings you had from the night before. And it seems worse because you don't want this to matter anymore. You don't want to care. But that's why life doesn't make any sense. Because there's always a disconnect between what you think about a situation and what you feel. And it doesn't make any sense. You just have to hope you slowly learn to focus on the warm and positive moments.

sick day

After waking up briefly to call in sick, I stayed in bed until noon.

I watched Milk today for the first time. What an incredible story and movie. Sean Penn's Oscar was certainly well-deserved.

I watched Ms. Pettigrew Lives for A Day. A zany movie, for sure. But also endearing.

Now I'm watching the end of Nights in Rodanthe. Let's just say, I would appreciate a sexy pen pal who says asks things like "Who keeps you safe"? Damn you movies, damn you.

I made some instant potato soup, not really something I would recommend. Though, I may have read the instructions wrong...

I'll probably be in bed by 8. I hate being sick, by sick days are rather amazing.

? of the day, via J. Mraz

http://twitter.com/jason_mraz/status/5236198545

Thoughts on getting (flu) vaccinated

I'm a generally healthy person. I usually get sick once a year for a couple days and, if anything, under medicate myself in the process. Thanks to a roommate a couple years ago, I'm better about taking medicine (it helps!) but I'm not so quick to turn to nyquill, etc.

I'm sure I've had the flu, but I've never (in my memory - help mom!) had a flu shot. The flu, if you have been living under a rock *ahem* I mean if you have not been paying attention, is kind of a big deal this year. For the next 2 weeks, I am still in one of the "priority groups" and am eligible for the H1N1 vaccination. Children and young adults, 24 and under, in addition to pregnant women are encouraged to get the shot.

So, I should definitely get one, right? I do not know.

There has been a lot of discussion in my workplace about getting the vaccination. There are 2 of us in the priority group for the vaccine and there are a couple people encouraging us to get it. They believe we should get get the shot so we don't bring the virus to people in the office who are not yet eligible for the vaccine when we ourselves could have been vaccinated and prevented it from spreading. Logical, yes?

I DO work with a lot of students in their early twenties who are more able to spread the virus like wildfire (ie dorms, apartments, etc).

BUT, if there are limited vaccines available, shouldn't it go to someone who is more at risk for complication to occur if they were to contract the virus?

ignoring perfection

"You have a yearning for perfection"

Thank you, fortune cookie fortune for telling me what I already know.

But it knowing that and accepting that as a flaw in one's own character, seemingly, I have gotten past perfection?

Past everything working out just the way I want (and imagine) it to be.

Because I don't know what will happen.

I'll just have today and tomorrow to work at it and make the decisions that are mine.

And the mistakes that are mine.

Things I Like

"Should've Been a Cowboy" by Alan Jackson (favorite country song ever)

Music that puts me in a good mood (Single Ladies and Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy)

Flash Mobs (see below)

Sending emails to friends KNOWING it will make them laugh

Most of my coworkers (seriously, they're awesome people)

Being challenged at work (I'm putting a positive spin on things today)

Coffee dates

Talking about weddings (it's an addiction)

Finding out new things about myself with a little help from my friends

Cranberry Facts (ex. did you know when they harvest cranberries from a bog, they flood the field and scoop the cranberries that rise to the top?! And another one: people with darker skin develop frostbite more easily)

Knowing what's right and what's easy and doing the right thing even if you have to tell a friend "no" (How's that for cryptic!? ha)

and last, but certainly not least: FRIDAYS

flashmob AND Single Ladies, all rolled into one:

October goal

"My goal this month is to tell it how it is. No BS. No sugar-coating. I will not hold back because it makes anyone feel better or because I'm worried about what they'll think of me. I feel better already." (Yesterday's facebook status.)

I don't tell people how I feel. I act on it. Which, strangely enough, isn't as productive. I get this from my father (which is probably why neither of us has attempted to talk about our issues) but I know this isn't healthy. Makes me anxious and scatterbrained and uptight. Just by making this a goal, I'm going to feel better. I'll apologize when I need to and ask for apologies when they're deserved

I'm going to talk to my dad, not shy away from saying what I feel about a hurtful situation and tell a guy (the only one with any potential right now) that I think it sucks he lives 2 1/2 hours away.

Because, if I want things a certain way, I have to give it the chance to make it happen.

What my Dad's missed...

or, the past 6 months of my life. I haven't talked to my Dad since the end of March. The brief argument was silly but because of the challenges/issues we've had my whole life it's not something I'm going to let go of until we've figured it out and neither of us have attempted communication since then. I need to tell him how he's hurt me and how he's disappointed me. And then I'll tell him about my six extraordinarily, ridiculous 6 months:

I was in my first wedding. I went to two more weddings. I planned and was maid of honor for another wedding.

I moved twice. Once into a home of someone I barely knew. It worked out well.
It was an amazing and challenging summer, all at the same time. This summer gave me a different perspective on marriage, on kids, on life. Gave me the adult/parent version. I've shifted away from being the kid and shifted to being the adult.

I have an awesome new group of people I call friends here in the small city in which I live. I wouldn't have thought it to be such an important thing, but it has been. I needed the grown-up friends. Not just the people I still know from college. But I've also come to appreciate my friends from high school and college so much more. They know who I was at 15, at 18, at 22, at 24 (and it's surprisingly different And, sometimes, they know exactly what to say.

I dated someone who was actually closer in age to my dad than me. (I won't tell either of them that. Though, I may be tempted if either happens to piss me off anymore...) We ended up not knowing each other very well yet, or maybe because of, the way he ended it hurt. Actually, it made it ten times worse. (Let's just say I don't like things to be ambiguous. I'm big on honesty and knowing what the heck is going on.)

I was admitted to a graduate program. I completed my first class over the summer, despite all the drama listed above. I started my 2nd class. I realized, despite being almost 25, I am VERY different from 22-year olds, fresh out of their undergraduate experience.

A moved in with a complete stranger and it has turned out phenomenally well. I've had good/bad roommate situations, but this one is the most surprising.

I've been on the hunt for the perfect dog. Sammie should be joining the family next week!

I'll tell my Dad some of this, he doesn't need to know it all. It's been six months? Wow, life is moving fast.

*blogger only lets you use 10 tags. So in addition: weekend, women, men, puppy, harry potter, kansas, lawrence, hope, learning.... because life is full of everything.

even angels fall

You laugh, you cry, no one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes

You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
Even angels fall
_________

I didn't win the lottery over the weekend. Not that winning would have solved my pressing problems this week, but it certainly would have lifted my spirits!

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it

Maybe This Time from Cabaret

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky
Maybe this time, he'll stay
Maybe this time
For the first time
Love won't hurry away

He will hold me fast
I'll be home at last
Not a loser anymore
Like the last time
And the time before

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I'll win

Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I'll win

Glee, not for everyone

Glee is a new, hilarious show on Fox. I just saw it described in a CNN article as a "musical comedy". I love that. It's also rather satirical.

I was rather bemused by this comment after the article by a reader:
"I got 10 minutes into the show and turned it off after hearing one of the "faculty" call a handicapped character a "cripple." Way to go, Fox.
I honestly hope this show fails because it's toxic. "

I don't remember this line, but I'm pretty sure it's the crazy tall blond lady who coaches the cheerleaders and she's supposed to be an awful, spiteful, ridiculous person.

To this commenter: It's called CONTEXT, buddy, GET SOME!

Bliss

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Michael Emerson won THE EMMY!

That is all.

who you are

No matter how things end up and what happens to you or around you that you cannot control, if you speak and act honestly, in any situation, the easier it is to accept what has happened. Because, in the end, you can at least say you did what you thought was right and true, in your heart and in your mind. And why would you ever regret being honest about who you are and acting accordingly?

edited to add: Watching V for Vendetta with my roommate tonight. This, particularly, seemed appropriate for this blog post. From Valerie's story:

"But I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free... for three years I had roses and apologized to no one... Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having.
We must never lose it or give it away."

Too much television? nah.

For the first time in my life, I have a DVR. I'm ecstatic.
Glee is incredible. And I'm excited for a fall season of So You Think You Can Dance. (I missed most of the summer season because my sched was carazzzzzy.)
Gossip Girls is reliably ridiculous but I'll keep watching. I don't think I'll be able to stomach Melrose Place, but I WILL keep tabs on Gawker's hilarious recaps.
I am loyal to Grey's (most of the time) but Thursday is confusing the hell out of me. Flash Forward and Vampire Diaries at 7pm, Grey's at 8pm and 30 Rock at 830, Project Runway and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia at 9pm. Can I record it all?!
House will be fantastic and, speaking of, my favorite "I'mma Let You Finish" (Kanye's bastardness really did give us the best internet trend of the year... AFTER Twitter of course :)
And to round out my FIFTEEN shows I'm recording: The Daily Show (because Jon Stewart GETS IT), How I Met Your Mother (always hilarious), NCIS (FABULOUS characters), Flash Forward (because it LOOKS SO COOL), The Good Wife (because I like watching Julianna Marguiles slap Chris Noth), Eastwick (witches! yay!) and Castle (Nathan Fillion is deliciously delightful!)

Hi, my name is Bailey, I'm a tv addict.

Landslide and the Weekend

I'm kind of horrible with music. I LOVE it, but I'm not good at identifying bands or songs. Some bands, like Smashing Pumpkins, are a little bit more identifiable for me. So, I had the radio on after class tonight and was 90% sure I was listening to a SP song. And I recognized the song - I even knew the lyrics! But it wasn't connecting. And I figured out it was a cover of a song - it was "Landslide", originally by Fleetwood Mac (Dixie Chicks also did a popular version). I have since listened to all 3 versions on youtube (and read that Stevie Nicks wrote the song when she was like 23) but cannot figure out which version is THE BEST. I know the original should ALWAYS be considered the best, but Smashing Pumpkins and Dixie Chicks recorded some killer (albeit very different) versions. THOUGHTS?! (I may also be in the process of adding this song to my top 5 favorite songs of all times. This may sound official, but it's a floating list in my head. It will never be set!)

My list this weekend:
Friday happy hour with my coworkers
A movie with my roommate who is FINALLY back as of tomorrow (She was kind of on tour, an orchestra tour. She's a brilliant percussionist)
A college football game
The KC Renaissance Festival
Finalizing a topic for my class case study midterm
Finishing unpacking boxes from the move (ha, this has been on the list for WEEKS!)